


Save me from myself

by HistoriaGloria



Series: Sometimes a family is a space-god, an alien, a group of century-old robots and a collection of mildly broken humans. [2]
Category: Steam Powered Giraffe
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Meet the Family, The Vice Quadrant, au-ish, rav/cosmo, ravcosmo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-07-11 14:16:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15974033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HistoriaGloria/pseuds/HistoriaGloria
Summary: 'Commander Cosmo could not believe that he wasn’t fast enough. Able to travel faster than the speed of light; faster than anything that had ever existed, and he wasn’t fast enough.'When a disaster strikes the S.S. Alexander, Cosmo has to fight to save his lover.





	1. Even when the moon shatters the tide

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello! Welcome to my latest Rav/Cosmo fic! This one should be a little shorter than the last one, but honestly, I don't know. 
> 
> Hopefully, updates will be every other Wednesday!
> 
> Lots of love to everyone who reads!
> 
> EDIT: I decided to alter the tenses after I have posted this, I am so sorry! But I have re-posted it now.

Commander Cosmo could not believe that he wasn’t fast enough. Able to travel faster than the speed of light; faster than anything that had ever existed, and he wasn’t **_fast enough._**

* * *

 

Cosmo had left the S.S. Alexander early, long before Ravaxis and Booplax had woken, before Gidget had finished recharging. He and Ravaxis had fought the day before, a row which had left Cosmo seething and Rav in frustrated tears.

_Cos, this isn’t so fucking complex, I don’t want to talk about it._

_Just because you don’t have any family doesn’t mean that you can be such a brat about it!_

The words had plagued Peter as soon as Rav had shut him out and gone to his sleeping quarters. He had insisted on upsetting Rav by being so myopic about family and home and it was so, so wrong of Cosmo. He knew that Rav didn’t have a family to speak of. It had been so cruel of him to bring it up.

So, he had left, maybe an hour later, to travel to the farthest corner of the Orion Nebula, to make it up to the pilot. There, there was a small moon that produced Ravaxis’ favourite liquor and the most beautiful moonlight flowers Peter had ever seen. Hopefully, if he combined the gifts with a sincere apology, Rav would forgive him.

Cosmo had been away from the Alexander for around four hours when there was a faint crackle in his earpiece. The comms device had recently been updated by Rav to make sure that it could reach Cosmo where ever he was in the galaxy. ‘In case you get restless and need some time away, so you can tell me where you are,’ Rav had said, slipping it into the space-god’s ear with a soft kiss to his cheek. It had been such a thoughtful thing. But this crackle was not unusual. It occurred whenever the alien pilot knocked the comms upon waking up, which was more common than Rav would ever admit. So, when there was no continuation from the static, Cosmo went back to carefully selecting the best blooms from this small moon’s fields.

That was his second mistake. First, being so far away. Second, ignoring his comm. Cosmo should have returned to the Alexander then. He should have checked, but he didn’t. This wasn’t abnormal.

* * *

 

What is abnormal is the emergency distress signal that begins to chime in Peter’s earpiece not half an hour later. Only 2 ships can directly communicate that signal to him and that isn’t the signal of the Earth Militia 10…

The S.S. Alexander!

Liquor and flowers forgotten, Cosmo shoots 30 feet into the air, desperately getting his bearings before he rockets off the moon and towards where the Alexander had last been. His crystalline heart is pounding against his chest as he flashes through the stars as a fast as his enhanced body will take him; the emergency distress signal will only activate if there is a serious issue with the S.S. Alexander, like a major mechanical fault or severe damage. Only if there is immediate danger to the crew.

And Cosmo is at least an hour and a half away at top speed.

* * *

 

Every second is agonising but finally, Peter reaches the S.S. Alexander. The sight sickens him. The ship is drifting in space, engines completely dead, with no sign of any power on board at all.

Which meant the life support systems will be offline.

**_Ravaxis!_ **

Cosmo tears off the door to the escape pod’s air lock and clambers in, soldering the metal of the air lock behind him with his sunbeam glare. Without a pause, he scrambles through into the living quarters of the ship and one quick inhale tells him there is no oxygen at all within the Alexander.

“Rav! Ravaxis!” he cries, desperate that somehow his partner could respond.

“In hERe, CoMMander. RaVaxis needs you. HE gave BoOplaX the air,” comes the jilted speech of Gidget from the cockpit, though the ‘bot sounded rougher than usual as Cosmo barrels in.

The robot is sat cradling Booplax against the wall of the cockpit. The little alien’s blue skin is ashen, and he is gasping the last rattling breaths out of the emergency oxygen tank that the ship had. Ravaxis is slumped over the console in his pilot’s chair, completely unmoving. Diving towards his lover, the spaceman presses his ear to the alien’s chest.

Nothing.

Panic begins to swallow up Cosmo’s senses rapidly. He can’t lose Ravaxis. With desperation, he tilts the pilot’s head back and blows oxygen-rich air sharply into Rav’s mouth. He charges his fingertips with electricity and presses them over his partner’s heart, but to no avail. After the third attempt, Cosmo realises he wis crying, heavy, iridescent tears splashing off his face. But he can’t give up. Finally, as the space-god charged his fingertips to near dangerous levels, Ravaxis convulses and inhales as Cosmo exhales. Peter instantly expels more oxygen into Rav’s lungs before pulling back.

“Hold your breath,” he hisses into Rav’s ear as he scoops the pilot up in one arm. “Gidget, grab Booplax!” The robot secures the alien tightly to his chest, letting him take the last few gulps of air before they could leave. Cosmo darts over to the other members of the S.S. Alexander’s crew and hoisted them into an embrace. “Hang on everyone,” he mutters, more to himself than anything else.

And in a spiral of light and energy, Cosmo shoot through the S.S. Alexander, heading to the only place to could think of that was safe.

Earth.

San Diego.

Walter Manor. 


	2. The vice does thrive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running home was Cosmo's only option. And, he's very glad he did because, truthfully, he's not coping.
> 
> He's not coping at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoys this! Should be a little angstier than my last Rav/Cosmo fic, though I promise good ol' fluff in future chapters!
> 
> Next update should be the 10th of October, but I'll be back at university by then, so please don't hate me if its late! Sorry!
> 
> CW: Vague mentions of panic attacks, Peter is completely engulfed by panic throughout the chapter but it's not super detailed.

Cosmo can feel himself tiring as he powers through the Earth’s atmosphere but the dead weight of Ravaxis on his right arm and the others on the left focuses his mind. They’re so close to Walter Manor now, right over the large grounds that the manor owned. However, his attention is so much on his precious cargoes that as he overshoots his landing, skidding hard to a halt as he hits the ground, flat on his back, Ravaxis, Gidget and Booplax drawn up to his chest.

“RoUGH landing,” comments Gidget faintly as Cosmo gives an indistinct groan. He doesn’t grace Gidget with a response as he stands, letting the robot get up himself. Gidget does, not letting go of Booplax which Peter secretly appreciates as he moves to cradle Ravaxis.

“C’mon,” mutters the spaceman gruffly as he walks up to the large, open doorway of Walter Manor, his enhanced senses honed on the weak, slow inhales from his lover, limp in his arms.

“Hello?! Anyone?! Please! I need help!” calls Cosmo into the Manor, his voice cracking sharply with worry, but he is happy to hear the sound of heavy footsteps from inside.

“Who is there? How can we help?” The voice of The Spine makes Peter’s eyes well up in pure relief.

“ _Spine…”_ In seconds, his childhood caretaker is before him, his green optics wide with worry as he sees the state of the four individuals on the doorstep. Faintly, Cosmo realises that The Spine is dressed down, wearing a plain black shirt and jeans.

“Peter! Oh gosh, what happened? Come in, quickly, I’ll help, I’ll help.”

“The... the ship, I don’t, I don’t know what happened,” stutters the spaceman as the titanium automaton gestures them inside, leading them quickly into the sitting room where they had spent most of their time when they had last visited Walter Manor, not 4 months ago.

“ThE Power TRippEd out. I cOULd noT RePAIr it aNd ThE life supPort sySTem fAIlEd,” manages Gidget and Cosmo realises distantly that his speech is worsening. The Spine frowns at the jilted speech.

“So, Mister Ravaxis and this individual have been without oxygen for a period of time.” Cosmo makes a weak noise in agreement as the Spine slowly takes Booplax from Gidget’s arms, settling him upright on the sofa. “Set Ravaxis down, Peter, propped up against the arm of the sofa so he can get as much oxygen as possible. I believe we have an oxygen tank and mask, one moment.” The Spine cocks his head sharply to the left, optics unfocused, but he straightens mere seconds later. “Rabbit is on her way. I shall call Michael so that he can help you, Mister Automaton.” Peter’s hands tremble as he lowers Ravaxis on to the sofa. He opens his mouth to speak and his legs buckle immediately, but strong, metal arms are around him before he can hit the ground.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Peter, it’s okay, he’s going to be okay.” The Spine’s voice is warm and gentle in his ear as he gently lowers the spaceman to the floor. Vaguely, Peter is aware of Rabbit entering the room. She doesn’t speak but goes straight over to Ravaxis and places an oxygen mask over his head.

“M-Michael is on-on-on his way,” she murmurs softly, before moving away. Peter’s world narrows completely to Ravaxis, lying limp on the sofa. His partner is almost serene, his face lax and eyes closed but the oxygen mask over his nose and mouth and the sickly, almost mint colour of his skin betray everything. Rav’s skin should be a warm emerald and this washed out nature terrifies Cosmo. Breathing is suddenly impossible for him and he’s very glad that he doesn’t need to. He can feel The Spine’s hands on his shoulders and his voice gently in his ear,

“It’s okay, Peter, you’re home, you’re safe. Everyone is safe here.” Peter gives a loud sob but manages to curl into The Spine’s arms, dragging his eyes away from Ravaxis. “There we go, I’m here. I’m always here,” murmurs the automaton, rocking Peter softly. Cosmo feels like he’s 13 again, curled up in The Spine’s protective embrace after another nightmare about his father.

“S-S-Spiine…” he whimpers faintly.

“I’m here, Peter, I’m right here. Ravaxis and the other alien are both stable, Michael has just come in to repair the automaton.”

“B-Booplax. Alien, alien is called Booplax and the, the automaton is Gidget. Rav, my Rav -Ravaxis is okay?” The Spine’s hand is gently massaging up and down Peter’s back, slow and soothing.

“Raxavis is just fine. He’s weak and will need some time to heal but he’s stable.”

“How do you _know_?!” Cosmo whines, and he has never felt more like a child. The Spine chuckles, low and warm.

“I’ve not seen oxygen deprivation like this, but I was a field medic through three wars, my dear Peter. You know that.” Peter does know that. He knows that his family is here and so he looks up and sees Rabbit, sat cautiously beside Booplax, carefully tending to him. He sees Michael Reed crouched behind Gidget, calmly fiddling with insides. Peter hadn’t even noticed him enter. The Spine speaks again,

“Zero, Steve and Peter Six have also been alerted to your presence but they are waiting until you are calmer to see you.” Cosmo is quietly glad about that. He doesn’t think that he could have taken any more stimulation right now. Honestly, he just wants to curl up in The Spine’s embrace and pretend that he is a child again, protected by his robotic uncle from the rest of the world. But also, there is Ravaxis and the rest of the crew of the Alexander to worry about. Cosmo’s mind is a whirl and before he knows it, he’s crying again, hot rapid tears spilling down his cheeks.

“Hey, h-h-hey, Peter…” Rabbit is here now too, kneeling down in front of him to take his hands as The Spine restarts his slow movement of his hand up and down his back. Peter knows nothing else. Even with all his enhanced senses and awareness, all he can see, feel, hear, _understand_ is the two bots beside him. “We’re here, it’s, it’s, it’s okay.”

“I faailed them!” wails the spaceman as Rabbit draws him into her chest.

“You d-d-didn’t fail anyone, Peter. Booplax and Gi-gi-gidget and Rav are all going to-to-to be just fine.” Her words are reassuring, and the warmth of her boiler is soothing but it doesn’t stop Peter from feeling horribly guilty. If only he hadn’t argued with Rav; if he hadn’t gone all the way to the Orion Nebula to make it up to him; he would have been there and now his lover wouldn’t be unconscious.

“Booplax,” comes a weakened, but firm voice from behind him, though it sounds far away, as though the sound is passing through water.

“Booplax is right,” mutters The Spine and that sound is close, loud but not unwelcome. “Rav would not blame you and you should not blame yourself.”

“I, I… I want…I need…” tries Peter faintly, but all of his words get caught in his mouth and the tears start afresh.

“Let’s go outside, Peter. Let’s go visit your brother,” says the titanium automaton and Cosmo can feel Rabbit nod above his head.

“That-t-t’s a good idea. I’ll-ll-ll stay here with the others.” Slowly, she releases him, and The Spine helps Peter to his feet.

“R-Ravaxis…” he manages, his voice weak and without the robots’ excellent hearing, he knows that they wouldn’t have heard.

“I’ll be h-er-er-ere,” Rabbit assures him. “If anything at all changes, I’ll c-c-contact Th’ Sp-Spine immediately.” She taps the side of her head, clearly referring to their internal communications. Even so, Cosmo is worried; he doesn’t want to leave his lover. But he also doesn’t want to stay.

“Peter, you need to take a break. When did you find Ravaxis?” asks The Spine, softly. Gidget answers before the spaceman can, much to Michael Reed’s chagrin at the robot’s movement.

“FiVe hOUrs and forty-seven MInutes ago.” Peter startles. Had it really been that long? Had he been flying for so much time? The titanium automaton gives a huff,

“No wonder you’re overwhelmed and exhausted, Peter. Come, now. You need to take a break, before you have another anxiety attack. There is nothing more you can do for Ravaxis, Booplax or Gidget. Michael and Rabbit will take good care of them, you know that.” Again, Cosmo does know that. His family have a good point; remaining here, looking at his prone lover, is only distressing him. The spaceman doesn’t resist as The Spine begins to lead him out of the living room; he would like to be elsewhere, and he should visit his brother. Perhaps it will help him to sort his mind and calm his body, so he can truly help Ravaxis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from The Vice Does Tight, The Vice Quadrant!


	3. Hope I can make it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cosmo is trying so hard not to fall apart and oddly enough, the graveyard helps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are all enjoying this! I actually enjoyed writing this chapter a lot!
> 
> Next chapter shall be up on the 24th of October!

They walk slowly. Sluggishly, haltingly towards the back door of the manor and The Spine doesn’t let go of Cosmo’s arm; Peter appreciates the touch more than he would ever admit. It is calming, helping keep all of the energy inside of his body rather than it spiralling out in all kinds of ways.

He really doesn’t want to think about the last time that that happened.

The Spine doesn’t question his silence as they wander through the gardens of the Manor, down towards the graveyard at the bottom of the grounds. He just keeps his rubber-coated hand resting against Cosmo’s lilac skin. As they reach the graveyard, Peter gently kneels at the grave of his brother:

_Mark Ray Walter_

_1924 to 1951 - Aged 26 Years_

_A loving father, brother, mechanic and son._

_Family is essential to the continued existence of life, in any form, human, robot or beast._

The silence stretches on for a moment longer before Peter speaks, his voice cracking sharply,

“I… I remember when we buried him. And the argument that The Jon had with my uncle about what the stone should read.” The Spine rubs circles on his shoulder.

“We never expected to have to consider what his stone would read when he was so young. Especially after your father had died so recently.”

“I’m glad The Jon won that argument. I think Marky would appreciate this sentiment.” Cosmo raises his hand to stroke his glowing fingertips over the epitaph and frowns as sparks jump from his hands. A clear sign that he is overwhelmed. But he doesn’t speak, doesn’t let The Spine know. He merely leans his head against the headstone, feeling the tears well up in his eyes again. Missing Marky is different from the overwhelming feelings that choke him now. His elder brother has been dead for almost seventy years and he probably wouldn’t recognise Cosmo as he is now. After all, he had only been 14 when he died. The Spine has brought him out here to calm him down, to distract him from Ravaxis’s limp body back inside the manor, and the idea has merit. Cosmo doesn’t feel the loss of his brother keenly; it’s a warm, gentle sadness that he had come to terms with long before he was Commander Cosmo. And this separation between his life as the hero of Earth and Peter Walter the Fourth is helping.

Slightly.

Behind him, Peter hears The Spine sigh and the automaton murmurs,

“What can I do to help, Peter? Because I am fairly certain your hair and fingertips do not create static sparks when you are calm.” The spaceman gives a wet laugh and shakes his head.

“Um, no, heh, they, they don’t. Thank… thank you for taking us in. And helping. And all, all the other stuff.” The Spine’s green optics grow sharp at that.

“Peter,” he scolds, lightly. “You are family. We will always be there to help you, no matter how bad it is; or how far away you are. You… you do know that I have never been as close to another Walter as I am to you, right? You are like my son.” Cosmo blinks the tears out of his vision as he turns his pupiless silver eyes up to the titanium automaton.

“I… I kinda of knew, I guess. When, um, when I came, you know, _home,_ you were so relieved and, ah, I remember thinking that, that I had never seen you look so happy. Except… except when you came home from the war and you saw me,” he says, his voice soft, but quietly hopeful. The Spine kneels beside him, placing his hand on Cosmo’s cheek.

“When I thought you had died, Peter, and the other bots will attest to this, I was lost. I blamed myself. For allowing you to go away, even though I would never have stopped you. For not stopping the Beciles back in the 50s, for failing you as a protector. As a parent.” With more care than anyone but a Walter would presume a robot could have, he wipes one glowing tear away from Peter’s cheek. “I never could bear to see you upset. I will never fail you again, Peter. I will never not be there for you.” Cosmo’s voice cracks sharply as he speaks, but he has to say this; he has to let his caregiver know,

“You, you never failed me, Spine. _Never._ And you never, _ever_ could. Because, um, because everything you do for me is… incredible. Thank you.” And the ‘bot throws his arms around the spaceman, his bellows contracting sharply as oily tears of gratitude begin to flow.

“No…” says The Spine, his speech slightly impeded by his tears. “Thank _you_ , Peter.” They are both silent for a long moment, allowing the tears to fall. Peter pulls back first, his hand brushing something on the gravestone as he leans back, and he glances down at the bunch of purple and white flowers which rest on the stone. He hadn’t noticed them before.

“Who, um, who puts these here?” he asks as The Spine pulls himself back together, using a handkerchief to wipe the oil from his face.

“I do,” responds the automaton, tilting his head in mild confusion. “I leave flowers at all of the graves. I come down, once a fortnight and refresh the flowers and, um… speak with them.” The Spine seems abashed at the idea of doing something so illogical. “Rabbit was the only one who ever came down here and so, some of the graves were becoming unkempt. She, uh, brought me down here a couple of years ago and she spoke to Father’s grave. I didn’t understand at first but then she insisted that I tried it and, well… it helped. Helped me to feel like they hadn’t been gone so long. I started to come down more often then.” Cosmo looks over at the flowers, neatly settled against the headstone and smiles weakly.

“Do, do the other bots come down here too?”

“The Jon does, quite commonly. He, uh, tends to visit Marky and Father. He always was close to your brother. Hatchworth comes down if he’s having a bad day. Zero, well, he’s more hesitant. As is Upgrade. They come down with us, but not on their own. Not yet.” Cosmo sniffles softly at the idea of the automatons mourning so many family members.

“Thank, uh, thank you for keeping all of the graves clean and everything.” The Spine shrugs, lightly.

“It is an honour. There is only one that we don’t visit.” Cosmo frowns, wracking his brains for a reason that the bots would leave out a family member.

“Who?” he asks, voice pitching in confusion, which is only heightened when The Spine gives him a secretive smile.

“Yours. We stopped visiting when you came home.” Peter gives a faint laugh.

“Show me, show me my own grave.” The Spine chuckles, but as requested, the automaton stands and helps the spaceman to his feet. They walk, the ‘bot still not letting go of Cosmo as they head down a few feet. And then, there is his own, set diagonal to his brother’s.

_Peter Alexander Walter the Fourth._

_1937 to 1962 - Aged 25 years._

_A lover, a fighter, someone who always had to do the right thing._

_We are all born of stardust, so why would I ever fear death? It is just the return to the stars._

Cosmo stares at it for a long moment as he takes in everything that this headstone means. The mourning of the Walter family. The loss. The emptiness that The Spine had admitted to feeling.

“I chose the epitaph,” murmurs The Spine. “Thought it was fitting.”

Peter is certain that if he has to write an epitaph for Ravaxis, he will lose his mind.

“I…” he manages before he is completely choked up and he collapses into The Spine’s waiting embrace. “I’m so _sorry_ I put you through that!” The automaton is quiet, holding the weeping spaceman to his chest.

“I forgave you long ago, Peter. And, I’m showing you this for a reason.” Peter tilts his head to look into the other’s green optics. “You need to remember that sometimes, things aren’t as bad as they seem. You are proof of that. Ravaxis will make it through this; I know it.” Cosmo gives another choked sob at the mention of his partner, so unwell, inside.

“He-he has to. I can’t, not after Holly, I _can’t_ lose anyone else, Spine.” The automaton merely nods, gently rocking the two of them back and forth in the most comforting manner possible.

“I know, Peter. I know. But it’s not going to come to that. I promise you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Fire, Fire, The Vice Quadrant


	4. You must remember, you're only human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cosmo still isn't dealing; Six has bad timing but good intentions and this family will not let each other go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicide mentions, very vague but Cosmo does discuss wanting to die. 
> 
> I hope you guys like it! Next chapter should be a) fluffier and b) up on the 7th of November

Cosmo and The Spine head inside after around an hour, taking their time as they wander back up to the Manor.

Well.

Cosmo is trying not to rush in. The Spine assures him that Rabbit has said that there has been no change in Ravaxis’ condition, but Gidget and Booplax are doing much better.

It isn’t helping Cosmo calm down much.

As they re-enter the living room, Cosmo notices that Booplax is sitting upright, having an uncharacteristically quiet conversation with Rabbit who appears to have no issue understanding the little blue alien. Gidget is sat watching silently and Michael Reed is nowhere to be seen but as they enter, Rabbit perks up and gives them both a smile.

“Welcome back-ck-ck,” she chirps, though it is slightly muted. The automaton is sat at the foot of the sofa where Ravaxis lies, still, unchanged from when Cosmo left around an hour ago. The spaceman manages a nod before he sinks to the floor beside Rabbit, his eyes fixed on his partner.

“An-any change?” manages Peter, his voice pitching sharply. Rabbit shakes her head, reaching one copper hand out to gently pat his knee.

“No. B-b-but he is no-no-not worse.” He nods, letting himself lean into Rabbit’s touch.

“We should move him to one of the guest rooms if he is stable enough. It will be more comfortable and I daresay Mr Booplax and Mr Gidget require more rest and recharge,” says The Spine, warmly, stood beside the sofa.

“That would be appreciated,” agrees Gidget and Cosmo is glad that the pitching in Gidget’s voice is gone now.

“I’ll take him,” Peter mumbles, forcing himself to his feet slowly. “I want to take him.” No one protests and Rabbit even nods, her smile small but reassuring as she too stands.

“Th’ Sp-Sp-Spine can show Gidget and Boop-pl-plax to their rooms. The Manor is certainly big enough to house you all, esp-especially with most of the W-W-Walters away.” That’s when it dawns on Cosmo that his sister should be here, his nephew, Norman, Annie.

“Where, um, where are they?”

“On holiday,” cuts in The Spine, his voice calming and gentle. “They go away as a family for three weeks every year, to get a break from the madness that is this house. Sometimes Six goes with them, but this year, he was caught up in a project, so he hasn’t.” Peter’s shoulders slump and he relaxes again with a quick nod. It made sense; this house could truly be a mess. With a soft sigh, he scoops Ravaxis up to his chest, careful not to dislodge the oxygen mask as he tucks the tank under his arm. The cowboy doesn’t even twitch and Cosmo sniffles softly but before he can start crying again, Rabbit touches his arm.

“Come on Peter. L-l-let’s make him comfortable.”

The walk upstairs to one of the many guest rooms is silent. And not comfortably so. Cosmo is so tense, his entire focus on how light Rav feels in his arms. It isn’t usual that that bothers him but now, Rav feels so small, so vulnerable in his arms. He gently lowers his partner into the bed in this guest room which has a curtain rather than a door. With a heavy sigh, Cosmo settles down beside Rav, adjusting his oxygen mask slightly.

“D-d-d-do you want me t-t-to stay?” asks Rabbit from the doorway. Peter shakes his head, sliding a hand into his hair which causes a sharp crackling sound beside his ear.

“I, um, I think I would like to be, kinda, um, alone for a bit. Please.” The automaton nods and she gives him a reassuring smile as she steps back.

“J-Just shout if y-y-you need anyth-thing. We’ll hear you.” And then she leaves, with the familiar clanking sound that only chokes Cosmo up.

And then he’s alone with Ravaxis.

His hands are shaking as he stretches them out to brush back the curls resting over Rav’s clammy forehead.

Rav’s hat is missing. He wasn’t wearing it when Cosmo pulled him from the S.S. Alexander. It’s such a tiny thing but Cosmo can’t help the sob that builds up in his throat.

“I… I’m, I’m so fuck-fucking sorry, Rav,” he forces out. “I should have been better, should have been faster. I sh-should have been there for you. And where was I? Gallivanting across space because I needed you to forgive me. Because, because I was an _idiot!”_ Cosmo’s voice pitches sharply.

“I left you. And, and if you die because I did, I’ll never forgive myself. I’ll… I’ll try again, Rav. I’ll try the Necrostar again,” he admits in a hushed tone. “I’ll try dying again.”

“I think The Spine may disapprove of that,” comes a vaguely familiar voice from the doorway and Peter’s head snaps around to see the youngest Walter. Peter Walter the Sixth waves sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, and I only heard that last bit. The Spine said you were here but not to disturb you… Ah. Sorry.” Part of Cosmo wants to dismiss Six, to scream at him to leave, to ignore him completely but there’s a niggling voice in the back of his head (which sounds suspiciously like Ravaxis) that he should listen to his younger family member. Six continues,

“I’m sorry. I see it’s, uh, bad. But I stand by what I said, Four. The Spine loves you and if you were to try to die, he may lose it.” The spaceman gives a curt nod as his mind turns back to the conversation he had with The Spine in the graveyard, not an hour ago.

_When I thought you had died, Peter, and the other bots will attest to this, I was lost,_ the automaton had said.

“I can, can’t lose Ravaxis,” says Peter faintly and suddenly, he is aware of how small and childish he sounds. But Six only nods in understanding.

“You won’t. But we can’t lose you either, spaceman. It’d kill the bots. Rabbit still blames herself; as does The Spine. If we did lose you, for good… I’m not sure how they’d react. You gave them so much hope coming home.” When Six calls him ‘spaceman’, a lump settles in Cosmo’s throat. Rav always called him variations of that. “And they love Ravaxis. They would do anything to make sure he is okay.” The younger Walter comes in, approaching slowly like Peter is a skittish deer, but he doesn’t flinch and Six pauses beside him, placing his hand on his shoulder. “We all love both of you.”

“We… we love you too,” he manages to croak. “I know Ravaxis sees you like family.”

“He is family,” declares Six. “The Walters have a long tradition of taking in the weird and gentle, of accepting those who are lost, as long as they can deal with us. Ravaxis is no exception.” Peter pulls his knees up to his chest, recoiling from Six slightly.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admits, softly, his white eyes fixed on the floor. “I don’t know how to cope with this, Six.”

“It’s okay not to know. That’s what we’re here for. Just ask and someone will stay with you, you know any of the ‘bots would.” Peter sighs softly. He knows that, but it seems… odd. Asking them to look after him like this. He’s a grown adult man, a superhero, practically a god and he can’t look after himself? It must have shown on his face because Six huffs.

“Don’t give me that look. Just because you’re a god doesn’t mean you can’t be upset. Especially considering the circumstances. You know full well that The Spine would sit with you until his systems forced him into shut down without a second thought.” Sheepishly, Cosmo says,

“I know. But I don’t want to be a burden.”

“No one in this family is ever a burden. What’s that song again? _He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother._ Might have been after your time though.” Cosmo cracks a faint smile at Six’s off-key singing.

“I remember the song. I was still on Earth at the time,” is all he says, not really addressing the meaning that Six was implying.

“Well, it’s true,” Six sounds frustrated now. “You could never ever be a burden. You are family and we love you. Now. Which one of the bots do you want to come sit vigil with you? Spine-y? Rabs?” Cosmo frowns.

“I’m fine. I don’t need-”

“No. This is not a question of yes or no. Which robot?” Peter is very sure that if Six had a face, he would be scowling right now. The spaceman sighs and acquiesces.

“Th’ Spine…” he mutters and Six’s body language brightens immediately.

“Good! I’ll be right back with him.”

As Six leaves, Cosmo blinks bemusedly. The youngest Walter was certainly odd, but in a very Walter-ish manner. In a kind, eccentric manner.

He appreciated it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from Only Human, Quintessential
> 
> It amused me too much due to the lack of actual humans


	5. Construct a new day from the bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every time Cosmo thinks he is managing to cope, something else punches him in the stomach.
> 
> He really isn't dealing very well at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry this has taken so long to post! My mental health has been a wreck.
> 
> But I would like to give lots of love to WhistlingWolf13 whose lovely comment gave me the inspiration I needed to get back into writing. 
> 
> TW: Peter IV suffers a rough panic attack and emotional overwhelm as well as sensory overload.

The Spine enters mere moments later, but without Peter Six this time. Cosmo jerks a little, his pupiless eyes flickering over to the silver automaton. Neither of them speak as the ‘bot moves over to Ravaxis. With all of the precision and calmness of a trained military doctor, The Spine takes Rav’s pulse and checks the oxygen tank before removing the mask from the pilot’s face. Then, he wordlessly takes a seat across from him, his glowing green optics focused on Ravaxis. The silence stretches on out of the range of comfortability and Peter twitches, sparks flicking off the tips of his ears. He wants to speak, but he doesn’t know how to address his many emotions. Has Peter Six told The Spine about his distress? Is The Spine upset with him? Should he speak to him about it?

“Breathe, Peter,” says The Spine, his voice low and as warm as ever and it startles Peter. He bursts into tears without warning, surprising even himself and The Spine is there. Lightly, cool metal fingers slip into his hair and wipe his tears away. There is nothing to say but the automaton rocks the spaceman back and forth, calming him as much as possible. Slowly, so as not to move too much, The Spine drags over his chair to Cosmo, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. Curled into the individual who was all but his father, Peter feels safe for the first time since he found Ravaxis.

“Can you sleep?” asks The Spine and the spaceman frowns.

“I haven’t since I changed… but I haven’t tried.”

“Try. You need rest. It has been over 8 hours since you found Ravaxis.” Gently, the automaton begins to caress his forehead, allowing the tension to begins to seep out of Cosmo’s tense muscles. Darkness swallows Cosmo’s vision and he sleeps.

* * *

 

Consciousness returns to Cosmo gradually and he realises that The Spine is still playing with his hair. He blinks open his white shining eyes, focusing on the automaton above him.

“How long did I sleep?” he asks immediately.

“Only a couple of hours,” responds The Spine. “And before you ask, there has been no change with Ravaxis, I promise.” Peter’s cheeks flush instantly but he nods gratefully. He is unspeakably thankful for him and he settles his head against the warm section of The Spine’s boiler, focusing on Ravaxis once more. His partner’s skin is no longer mint green, but only a shade or two away from his normal chartreuse. The breaths come slow and easy through the cowboy’s nose, his chest rising and falling. But still, there is something so wrong about seeing Rav so still. Even in his sleep, Rav usually twitches, shuffles and mumbles which is why Peter cannot deal with this emptiness. It’s so lonely, even with the automaton there.

But, like destiny itself, after only a few moments of Cosmo being awake once more, his partner twitches. It’s slight, almost unnoticeable but all Peter can do right now is watch Ravaxis.

“Rav?” he breathes, clenching his fists to focus himself. The cowboy’s head lolls to the side and a faint sound escapes him. Peter is on his feet now, his glowing pink hands carefully touching his partner’s cheek. “Ravaxis?” Incrementally, large yellow eyes blink open and settle on the spaceman above them.

“P’t’r?” mumbles Rav, all of the letters getting caught up in his mouth.

“I’m right here, baby, I’m right here.” Cosmo takes Rav’s limp hand settled on the bed. “You’re safe.” The green fingers of the pilot twitch faintly against the lilac ones of the space-god, sleepily.

“Knew yu’d fin’ us. Jus’ knew it…” And Rav’s eyes slide shut again as he goes limp once more, his breathing even and slow. Cosmo makes a faint choked sound, clutching at Rav’s wrist but he can feel the steady thrum of his partner’s pulse against the tips of his fingers. Insistent but not forceful, The Spine’s grasp lowers Peter into a seat beside the bed.

“Booplax, Gidget, they need, I have to-” gasps out Cosmo, his hands fluttering immediately.

“Rabbit shall tell them,” said The Spine calmly, tapping the side of his own head. “She knows.” The spaceman slumps into his seat, holding carefully on to Ravaxis’s hand. He feels like all of the energy within him has been sucked out and he gives a long, unnecessary exhale.

“He’s, he’s alive.”

“Yes. We always knew he would make it, Peter,” responds The Spine, startling Cosmo slightly as he hadn’t realised he had vocalised his relief. He is suddenly very glad that The Spine has not left, even if he hasn’t spoken much. The presence of the automaton is good. With another heavy exhale, Cosmo draws his knees up to his chest and settles down to watch over Ravaxis.

Peter hadn’t ever been very good at timing, even before he was a space-god, but truthfully, the lack of human requirements had thrown off his internal clock even further. He sits there, staring down at his lover for what could have been hours, days, minutes. His enhanced senses keep him informed of the hissing of The Spine’s boiler; the thrum of Ravaxis’s pulse; the slow rise and fall of his chest with his breaths.

Peace.

Until there wasn’t.

Ravaxis exhales, as always but this time, he doesn’t inhale. Cosmo jolts as his partner struggles to inhale, his pulse quickening in panic and his chest trembling with exertion.

“Sp-Spine!” He squeaks, his voice pitching and the automaton is on his feet immediately. Optics unfocused, The Spine adjusts Rav so he is upright, allowing more air into his chest but the pilot is still gasping like a landed fish. As his photoreceptors focus, The Spine says, voice curt and businesslike, “Zero is on his way with another oxygen tank; this one is empty. Until then, I need you to exhale into his mouth, give him oxygen.” Cosmo manages to nod, barely comprehending half of what the The Spine says but he cups his partner’s cheeks and blows into his mouth. Over and over, Peter shares the oxygen with Rav, who inhales again, but the normal patter of breaths does not restart. Then, there is the heavy sound of a running automaton and Zero is in his line of sight, handing over an oxygen tank. Wordlessly, The Spine attaches the mask to the tank and then nudges Cosmo back out of the way, hiding Rav from his view. The spaceman jerks forward, needing to see his partner, but he finds himself restrained by strong metal arms.

Someone is speaking.

Someone is screaming.

There is wetness on Cosmo’s nose and cheeks and he doesn’t know why.

There is so much noise, so much light, too much, too much, too much…

And then, there is sudden darkness and the scream is cut off with a strangled note.

Static.

* * *

 

As awareness returns to Cosmo slowly, he realises that he is completely engulfed by The Spine’s coat, which is draped over his head. There is a hand on his back, smoothing up and down his spinal cord and there is speech, but he doesn’t think it is directed at him.

“-overwhelmed. He will be okay; it has been very stressful.”

“How did you know what to do?” That is Zero, he recognises the rich tones.

“Sensory overload was fairly common in the trenches of the First World War and both The Jon and I suffered badly from it after returning from Vietnam, especially for the first few years,” The Spine is the other voice, his deep voice so easy to discern. Cosmo realises he is seated again, but on the floor, leaning up against a warm boiler, but the speech of Zero and The Spine didn’t come from beside him. With a faint whimper, he readjusts and the hand on his back stutters a little before continuing its movement.

“Hey, P-P-Peter. Take it ea-easy now.” Rabbit. He is leaning against Rabbit. There is the clank of metal in front of him and suddenly The Spine’s voice is closer.

“Okay, Peter, relax. Ravaxis is safe and breathing fine. You had a major panic episode and sensory overload. You’re sat in Ravaxis’s room with me, Zero and Rabbit. I need you to stay still, okay? You need to allow your body time to respond to you and react to the issues. Would you like me to leave my coat on your head, so you have some time to adjust to sound first?” The way The Spine is speaking is a tone that Peter remembers from being a child when he injured himself. This is his medical tone. With a slight nod, he coils slightly into the warmth behind him and he feels Rabbit’s other hand rub his shoulder protectively.

“You-you-you’re going to be j-j-j-just fine, Petes,” she murmurs. There is another creak and then footfalls moving away from him. He raises a hand to touch his cheek and finds it wet with tears.

“What… what happened?” he asks and his voice is barely even a whisper. Rabbit replies, her own voice so very gentle,

“Seeing Ravaxis st-str-struggle to breathe caused you to into a panic spiral. You started screaming and crying and cl-cl-clutching your head. You were fighting Zero pretty strongly and Th’ Sp-spine was worried you might hurt yourself or him. He called me and threw his c-c-coat over your head to tr-try and block out some of the overload. I c-c-came in just as he did and you sorta, um, collapsed into me, still crying but not screaming. We s-sat you down and stayed still until you came back around.”

“Oh…” mumbles Cosmo, sniffling a little. He feels so useless, so weak and pointless. He is meant to be a superhero, a god and seeing his partner in danger had caused him to completely black out. Rabbit rubs his back.

“You’re okay now, Petes and-and-and you were not an issue. Overl-l-loads like this are nothing to be ashamed of.” He doesn’t respond, allowing his body to feel like his own again before he slowly removed The Spine’s coat from his head. Wincing against the harsh light, he turns to focus on Rabbit. Her mismatched optics are fixed on him and she gives him a small grin.

“Th-th-there you are. Feeling ok-k-kay?” He nods as his eyes adjust. Across from him sits The Spine, beside Ravaxis’ bed. His partner is still, mask strapped over his face as he breathes with an unnaturally precise rhythm. Slowly, Peter gets up, his legs shaking, and Rabbit follows him with a creak, helping him to sit beside Rav’s bed. As he settles, he notices that Zero is stood in the doorway, shuffling a little. With his sharp eyesight, he notices that all three of the ‘bots optics lose focus for merely a second before Rabbit and Zero slowly creak out of the door.

And then, there is quiet once more and Cosmo refocuses his awareness on his partner.

He can cope.

Or, he hopes he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from What we need are some heroes, Steamworld Heist Soundtrack.


	6. Baby, don't keep me waiting on this memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cosmo just wants Ravaxis to be okay. And maybe, he will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it's taking so long for these chapters to come out, I'm working my way through my mental health stuff, but I'm still working on this!
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me and your comments make my day :D

The lack of speech is comforting, decides Cosmo. The Spine quietly informs him of the time when he asks, using his internal clock, but other than that, there is no talking. Ravaxis sleeps; his breathing settles down as he rests, and it allows Peter to relax as much as he can. Everything is quiet.

Of course, Cosmo still feels on edge. He can sense sparks from his hair popping behind his ears, causing his head to twitch to the side occasionally. Unmoving, The Spine watches this and does not challenge him. Peter appreciates the fact that it isn’t brought up but he doesn’t know whether or not he would prefer some sound to take his mind off of Ravaxis. His partner shifts ever so slightly in his sleep, his pointed ears flicking.

It makes Cosmo smile.

Rav’s ears always dance and twitch when he is content or sleeping well and to see this, this edge of normality, is excellent.

And then, _then,_ his glowing yellow eyes slide open.

“Cos?” he mumbles, shifting his head to look over at him. Peter reaches over and grasps the pilot’s hand, rubbing his thumb over his fingers gently.

“Right here, babe,” responds the spaceman cautiously. His face softening, Rav squeezes his hand gently.

“Hi there.”

“You worried me,” accused Cosmo, leaning down to kiss his temple. “I… thought I was going to lose you.” A sly but warm smile crosses Ravaxis’s face, revealing those spiked teeth.

“I ain’t going anywhere, Starboy. Well, especially not right now.” That gets Peter to grin, a warm wash of relief heading over him at the gentle comedy.

“Don’t you be teasing me,” he grumbles playfully. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees The Spine shift, a short smile crossing his face but the ‘bot doesn’t leave. Rav winks and slowly pushes himself upright, his eyes sliding over the room, taking it all in and grinning at The Spine.

“Oh! Hi, Th’ Spine. Thought I might be on Earth but ah couldn’ be sure. Jus’ nice to see a familiar face.”

The Spine chuckles, “Hello Ravaxis. You gave all of us quite the scare with all of this. It is very nice to see you with your eyes open. Zero is especially happy as he is currently shrieking in my head. It’s mildly painful.” As the automaton says this, he winces and rolls his optics in jest at the antics of his younger brother.

“Oh damn, I’m sorry!” laughs Rav but then he winces and before Cosmo can panic, The Spine interjects.

“Be careful, Ravaxis. Your lungs have taken a lot of strain due to the oxygen deprivation. You need to take it easy for a couple of days. And remain in a non-artificial atmosphere. You are, of course, completely welcome to remain here.”

“I would appreciate it.” The pilot is sincerer than he has been in a while and it scares Peter a little. That twinge hurt more than his partner is willing to show; that much is clear from the caution in the voice of such an impulsive individual.

“And I would like to keep an eye on Peter if that is alright?” says The Spine, his viridian photoreceptors focused on the spaceman who squirms a little at the intensity.

“I would… It would be, um, I would also appreciate that. I worry. Especially when I can’t do anythin’ to help.” Again, the sincerity in Rav’s voice shocks his partner.

The Spine gives a warm nod. “I am happy to help. Now, Peter. You need to rest again. After earlier, you must be exhausted.” Peter opens his mouth to challenge that but Rav gently pats his thigh and The Spine’s eyes sharpen ever so slightly. “Rest.” With a gentle huff, Cosmo readjusts and settles back down in his chair. He doesn’t think that he can rest but he goes still, slowing his breathing and relaxing his body.

For a long few moments, there is silence. Then, The Spine speaks, low and wary,

“Good, he is resting. He has been so stressed, what with… yes.” There is a clank as The Spine moves but Cosmo doesn’t bother to open his eyes. He hears Ravaxis sigh and then respond,

“I’m sorry this all happened, ya know… I jus’… Ah, fuck me, Th’ Spine. It’s been a fuckin’ lot.”

“Language,” says The Spine gently, but Cosmo recognises the tone as playful. “But I know. You certainly look like you’ve been through a lot. I’m… I am sorry, can Zero come up? He’s screeching in my head, worrying about you.” Rav gives a snort.

“Yeah, sure, tell him to come up, but quietly. Don’t wanna disturb Cosmo.” There is note of teasing in his voice and Cosmo is immediately aware that Rav doesn’t think he’s asleep. He knows that Cosmo meditates rather than sleeping.

Which in this situation is accurate.

There is another creak and then the sound of heavy footfalls which get rapidly louder as, Cosmo assumes, Zero enters.

“Oh god, Rav…” Peter’s assumption is proved right by the gasp from the mismatched automaton before he immediately begins babbling. “You’re okay, we were so worried, you weren’t breathing, and Peter was so panicked, and I just didn’t know what was going to happen-”

“Zero.” The Spine’s voice cuts through immediately. “You’re going to wake Peter.”

“Oh, sorry…” whispers the younger automation.

“I am okay, Zero, don’t fret…” murmurs Rav and Cosmo can hear in the cadence the half smirk, half genuine smile that he knows his partner wears so commonly. “Little bit battered, little bit tired but ahm jus’ fine. I’ve definitely lived through worse and I’m sure y’all have too.”

“Well…” challenges The Spine carefully and there is a heavy clank of metal, possibly like one of the automatons had moved.

“You shouldn’t put yourself down like that, Rav,” huffs Zero. “You have been through a lot recently. As has Peter…” There is a long silence and Cosmo tries not to go completely still as he listens.

“Has… has he been okay? You said that he had been stressed and, um…” Rav trails off faintly and Peter can feel his partner’s fingertips touch his thigh softly. “He’s, he’s okay right?” His voice is so low and quiet, trying to prevent Cosmo from hearing it, despite being aware of the spaceman's highly enhanced hearing.

“He’s… he’s had it rough. He clearly adores you, Rav, there is no doubt about that. He… Well. Things got really bad recently when you had a wobble earlier. But we are here to support him, and he’ll be okay. We’ll always be there to help,” responds The Spine, with creaking sigh.

“I’m… I’m really happy y’all are here,” whispers Rav, as though worried about the words. “The… I’m so glad you’ve taken us in.”

“You are family,” says Zero, immediately. “You are family now and we would never not help family.” Cosmo stiffens up as he can hear the quiet sniffling from his partner, but he doesn’t open his eyes yet. Slowly, there is the sound of clanking and steam hissing.

“It’s okay, Rav, it’s okay. We’re here,” murmurs the younger automaton, closer to Cosmo. “We’re here and you’re going to be okay.” Peter can hear his partner sniffling and he can’t stay quiet any longer. Sliding his glowing eyes open, he tilts his head to look over at Ravaxis who is pressed gently against Zero’s boiler plate, his eyes screwed shut as he accepts the hug. He laces his fingers gently through Ravaxis’s and squeezes his hand. The pilot cracks open one eye and meet’s Peter’s glowing irises. Neither of them speaks, they just exchange a small, knowing smile as Rav brings up his free hand to wipe his eyes dry.

“Thank you.”

“For what, Rav?” asks Zero.

“For bein’ you and helpin’ out. Just… ya know.” Both automatons huff but they don’t challenge him. Rav gently tugs on Cosmo’s hand, trying to get his attention. “Naw, you quit pretendin’ that you’re sleepin’ and get up here and cuddle me.” Cosmo blushes bright pink as the automatons focus on him, catching him out.

“In my defence, I was actually meditating,” tries the spaceman weakly, but Zero just laughs and The Spine just rolls his photoreceptors playfully.

“Honestly,” huffs the titanium automaton as Cosmo stands, shuffling around the other ‘bot to curl up beside Ravaxis.

“Sorry…” mumbles Peter as he burrows his still-glowing face into Rav’s shoulder.

“Hush, Peter, it’s fine,” his caretaker responds gently as Ravaxis settles back up against the spaceman and Cosmo feels, for the first time in a while, calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from I'll Rust With You, MK III

**Author's Note:**

> Work title from Hold Me, chapter title from Oh No, both from The Vice Quadrant!


End file.
